Squirt the Ladybug

2012-01-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

http://pinterest.com/dotladybug/wedding-ideas/

Follow my wedding ideas!

I'm excite its only 87 days away, there is so much to do but running out of time but thats the best part of getting married. All the work will result in a day we'll remember. Most importantly we'll be together <3

2012-01-23T07:47:00.001-08:00

http://www.rocknrollbride.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/live-it-out-photo-alternative-indie-hipster-tattoo-vintage-richmond-wedding148.jpg

More more

2012-01-07T23:54:00.001-08:00

Okay starting to finalize our wed registry

Target and Macy's

Please let me know if you are purchasing anything outside of these stores!
Love

The day is fast approaching!

2012-01-04T21:37:00.001-08:00

I believe I am now 108 days away from my wedding. The stress is really catching up with me now. The good thing is most things are set already its just the final details that I need to make sure of. I have decorations to finish, my bridesmaids need to get their dresses, the final bridal accessories and flowers. woo I have a lot to do! I need to get it done.

thank you to everyone helping!

I still need Jars and candles. as well as magazines . If anyone wants to donate things, gladly accepting :)

Finally one is done!

2011-12-12T14:13:00.001-08:00

Work in progress

2011-12-10T22:00:00.001-08:00

Bridesmaids

2011-12-01T13:27:00.001-08:00

Just got the pearls!!! Can't wait to make them!!!!

Special thanks to Daisy <3

My dress

2011-11-21T12:26:00.001-08:00

So after months of waiting my parents and I finally made plans to go to Unique Vintage to get my wedding dress. I went in with tge intention of getting a very simple dress. I hadn't even decided on a color (I was going to get a light blue ). When I did go in I just grabbed a bunch of short dresses and with the help of the lovely young lady I started trying them on. I was so excited when I tried on my last dress. It was perfect. Even the girl helping me noticed a complete change in me once I tried it on. I didn't want to take it off. It took awhile to convince my mom but she let me have it. It is strapless but it came with a bolero jacket. I didn't get a chance to take a picture without the jacket.

I'm so excited!!

pinwheels!!! :D

2011-11-21T10:11:00.001-08:00

Bridesmaid ideas….

2011-11-17T16:02:00.001-08:00

mmmm Ideas??

I know its traditional to have flower bouquets for the bridesmaids but I’m looking for more eco-friendly as well as money friendly so I’m considering some options….

my mom even loved this idea…. sooo I think I’m gonna have a talk with my girls ;P

Bridesmaids….finger-wave galore

2011-11-11T12:42:00.001-08:00

Center Pieces!

2011-11-02T11:30:00.001-07:00

The reason why I need your jars :)

Ideas for me :)

2011-10-16T15:58:00.001-07:00

DIY wedding make up tips :)

anyone else have Make up suggestions for a DIY bride?

Things that make me smile

2011-10-12T23:34:00.001-07:00

I heard this on an anime … yes you can hear wise things on them …

"Marriage is a promise not to let your spouse be alone, ever again. "

Wedding plans galore

2011-10-12T08:55:00.001-07:00

Woo I never thought it would be this crazy to plan the wedding :) I'm doing most things on my own to give DIY feeling.

Currently looking for:
Mason jars various sizes
Blue and green table cloth.
affordable Venue
A good dj
Wedding dress
Flowers
Candles

And … I'll get back with more< 3

The Engagement Story

2011-10-08T18:59:00.001-07:00

My original post was deleted …
I am turning my personal blog into a wedding prep/ info center for my friends and family.

I guess I should start from the moment Ivan and I started talking. At first I wasn't romantically interested in him, we were just friends. But isn't that how all great relationships start?

As kids we had known each other and occasionally we’d run into each other but it was never more than just a distant friendship. One day a mutual friend brought us together and then I knew there was something wonderful in the works.

Our relationship has never been easy, we've had so many things to deal with but we never let it affect how we see and feel about each other.

I will never forget this past weekend.

Ivan had told me he was arriving a week later than he actually did. So I wasn’t prepared for his surprise visit. He has arranged for his family and I to have a night out at the cute Italian restaurant, Divina Cucina in Montrose. While I was busy checking the menu, he placed a plate in front of me with Hawaiian flowers and a small red box. I was confused and shocked until i turned around and saw him. I was so excited because of the fact that he was there that I didn't notice him reach for the box and get down on one knee. When he finally opened the box and looked at me with his silly grin I just nodded and said yes. It was such a blur but I’ll never forget it.

Lessons Learn, Tears Gained

2011-09-22T00:07:00.001-07:00

After the events of this day: I’ve realized so much about myself.

I believe in myself and I wish others would believe in themselves.

I will not silence my voice to appease or validate the decisions of others when I know my stand.

I need to filter what I say.

My opinions are just that, mine.

its hard to look at what's going on in others are expect them to make changes. If I don’t like when some one tells me how to act or how to see things, then I shouldn’t do it to them. The last thing I ever expected was to use the old “I TOLD YOU SO” line against someone I care about. But I failed. I did. Now it’s impossible to take back. That person will never forget that, and neither will I. I might have been pushed to the point where I lashed out. But that is no excuse to hurt someone. To watch them break down because of your words….that’s me as a failure as a friend. However, I will not blame myself for being honest and sticking to my point of view. I will not resign who I am.

Vacation time

2011-07-21T21:37:00.001-07:00

For the first time in a very long time that I feel refreshed and relaxed. I’m so happy now that I get to spend time with my family. I love them so much but I never get to see them since they live in an other state. State they live in is so chill and laid back, I love to visit. I’m not sure if I can survive here tho, it is pretty and I love the country feel of their town. We’ll I have to admit I love to be home with my folks and my boyfriend. well at least its time to head home and get back to real world of my fast life!

kandee the make-up artist: DIY Flower Ball Craft Project for you Room!

2011-06-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

kandee the make-up artist: DIY Flower Ball Craft Project for you Room!: " I love Do-It-Yourself craft projects... so it's time to fire up your hot glue guns... hunt down some fake flowers... and grab some styro..."

michelle

2011-05-25T12:24:00.001-07:00

michelle, a photo by squirttheladybug on Flickr.

squirttheladybug's photostream

2011-05-25T12:16:00.001-07:00

squirttheladybug's photostream on Flickr.

Panic and Late nights

2011-05-25T10:24:00.001-07:00

So I get an email last night telling me that I can’t receive my degree because I’m missing a required class. As soon as I read that my little heart stopped… I started running around my house like a crazy chicken, I was sobbing like baby. I got yelled at because it was my responsibility to double check that I had filled it all. So I ran to the English Department this morning almost in tears to check out what I can do. It was a relief when the Advisor told me I was okay. All I have to do is take a placement test for a foreign language. If I test out of it then I’m okay and if I don’t then I can take classes at a CC and still graduate in June… The scariest moment of my life. I tell you woo dodged a bullet there

Panic and Late nights

2011-05-25T10:18:00.001-07:00

Points

2011-05-21T19:10:00.001-07:00

There is a point you reach where “sorry” just doesn’t cover what you mean. That’s where I am. I know what my actions have done but honestly I have no idea what actually happened. You can apologize but what happens when that becomes a phrase you say so often that you’re not sure what you’re apologizing for anymore? I know who I am. I know what I want. I know who I love. Then why do I feel sorry for feeling how I do? I’ve finally reached the point where I realize that if I don’t stand by what I feel or what I think, I’m going to lose who I am… that’s not something I’m willing to do. Gotta do some digging

Week 8

2011-05-18T09:48:00.001-07:00

now you’re here

I ‘d like some peace

but I can’t help longing for your

hands.

I’m sitting in one of my classes:

doing what? not listening, writing a paper, starting another, and creating dolls online… oh yeah I’m productive :fist pump:

Imaginary conversation

2011-05-02T09:54:00.001-07:00

1: wow this bathroom stinks!!

2: excuse me but not all of us poop out rose-lavender scents….obviously you do. we’ll keep that in mind next time…

1: … sorry

2: no I’m sorry

the earlier the better…

2011-04-13T22:26:00.001-07:00

what happens when you stay up LATE to finish a paper…. you Bond with your cup of Joe <3

Lost count of the days…

2011-04-13T13:08:00.001-07:00

So its week….I forgot….I know I’m not even close to being done yet but I really wish I was! I’m so tired from one night of writing the lamest 2 page response I’ve ever written..then again I say that about all my previous papers. I’m starting to think I’m playing off as the sad student that they take pity on. Well we’ll see today

Other news: My friend’s graduation ceremony is on Friday and I’m excited! Memorial is on Sunday <3 totally looking forward to it! Every year it is marvelous

New work…for a friend

2011-04-08T13:05:00.000-07:00

Snow White for Kitty

VIEW SLIDE SHOW

DOWNLOAD ALL

my friend asked me to do this for her, in exchange for needed materials! I just need to finish the hair and face…hopefully I can finish soon with school its hard.

Structure

2011-04-06T13:08:00.001-07:00

…

buildings

flowers

policy

oranges

the girl checking her teeth through her reflection.

my day crawling through

Start to an interesting weekend…

2011-04-01T23:03:00.001-07:00

Spending time with my best friend and my boyfriend relieved my stress and felt it melt away as I laughed and got my honey to laugh. I have a great weekend to look forward to. quite excited . I hope this week turns out better, I just have to get myself on time and on the ball… thanks to my baby and my bestie for their help <3

Day two…

2011-03-30T10:07:00.001-07:00

so our second day in our American Fiction since 1945 and our TA sends an email out to us that we have a quiz in discussion on our reading for this week. as soon as the students start to pile in, the first thing I hear is “He’s crazy we haven’t had time to finish reading! its too much”. Although I’m off to myself in the corner I have to agree it’s a bit much for first week, We’re barely coming back into the school mode… Lets see what happens

Dear Gum chewer,

2011-03-29T18:32:00.001-07:00

To the girl two seats away from me in my undisclosed class… Not only is it DISRESPECTFUL, but it is ALSO ANNOYING when you chew with your mouth open and pop bum bubbles during class. I don’t know how you feel about your education but I honestly did not pay a ridiculous amount of money to hear your loud pops in class….Really come one girl… Were you ever taught manners? I with held myself because you seem nice. Next time I’ll be polite and make a comment to you. Now I don’t mean to be rude or anything but put the gum away next time. Don’t worry no one will say anything if you don’t pop it in class. We already know who you are……

with Love,

Frustrated and Annoyed

unguided.wondering

2011-03-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

So I’m sitting in class, and I wonder where all this will take me. I’m not sure it will come into use later in life but then I also started thinking that maybe this is the kind of stuff that one day I might turn to to keep me sane. When I get lost in a cubicle this will be the thing that I can turn to work out my mind. Seems like this quarter will be quite interesting…. lets give it up for optimism

2010-11-15T21:18:00.001-08:00

the truth

2010-11-15T21:17:00.001-08:00

Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) (The Official 2010 FIFA World Cup™ Song)

2010-06-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

i'm super excited for World Cup!!!

Tokio Hotel - World Behind My Wall

2010-04-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

~Entry

2010-01-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

What I felt when a girl in my class kept talking and talking and talking...

Currently located in my Woman Studies/Words class. I really enjoy the class when it moves forward in a progressive arguments and points. Our professor is really passionate about what she teaches and keeps the class going. :) gotta go listen!

<3

ta ha!

2010-01-03T16:33:00.001-08:00

I told you pearls are more fun…

random picture :) enjoy

school starts on monday!!!

<3 =^.^=

No me vez

2010-01-01T23:19:00.001-08:00

:Writers block:

No fair! I can’t come up with anything good to write! Oh well gotta develop some of my ideas…

this is one… still work in progress so spelling isnt spot on

Mama no me vez?

con tu cara manchada, no one will love you

Mama can you see me?

every scar you make, que fea te vez

But this isnt my face mama

its a mask I wear to survive this work.

Leave it Pretty

Who I am is blood and scars. all this Carne Caida

every flake of skin. I drop

Underneath is who I really am

No vez lo que esta debajo

esa soy yo

thats who I am

Glorious!

2009-12-12T12:25:00.001-08:00

I’m trying out a new program on my computer which lets me write up my posts then sends it to my blog. Coolness lol I get to embrace my laziness :wooo:

visions blurr

2009-11-14T22:29:00.001-08:00

eys
Originally uploaded by squirttheladybug

this week has been interesting.

Mid-terms are done.
Essays pile on.
People are born or reborn.
life moves on

one more year knitted on to my blanket.

<3

Hana Kimi Episode 12 Part 29 [HD] (ENG Sub)

2009-11-12T00:50:00.001-08:00

:sobs:

frankie vallie-beggin (pilooski re-edit)

2009-10-27T20:05:00.001-07:00

oh my brain is jiving with awesome inspiration

2009-10-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

sugoi ......: drools: .......:faints: ......:revives:.....:only to faint again...
mizushima Hiro

<3

Moonbeams burn the sky

2009-10-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

So lets see recap of this week:

First complete week of school: CHECK
Staying up to read material that isn't covered in class: CHECK
Saved job through tears and pleads of mercy: CHECK
Procrastination: CHECK

lol that was my week in a nutshell. School is pretty good, I really enjoy my classes (fav so far is my Communication Theory ). I never thought I'd be scared and excited at the same time about school but I am :D! Work wise, I had originally lost my position due to budge cuts (:sobs:) but then my boss and the principal pulled together and found me a place at the school so I could stay ! (:happydance:) And now I'm trying NOT to do my homework, which is like a mountain load of reading :P but i rather read some fluffy comics. :highfivetoself:

<3

illness and the hiccups

2009-09-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. (sob) I dont like it at all, plus I have work tomorrow and I cant miss it... now I have the hiccups and its making me feel worse!!!

:(
'
but my ma is gonna make me some chicken soup!!! I'm excited lol

<3

Falling Up - Falling In Love

2009-09-18T20:23:00.001-07:00

aww such a nice song

enjoy

Under the Sea

2009-09-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

Deep in the recesses of the sea
lies a heart unscathed by the storm.
Buried by the sands, longing to be found.
Under the tide, it travels
unknown by above, waiting
For some hand to carry it to be Sun kissed
On the glory from above.

Watch the waves dance
She'll lie in wait
Careful and fleeting and curious.
Knowing somewhere on the waves
is the Heart who longs to be with her.

He will search,
deep in the Dark caverns of the ocean
He will battle with Creatures,
Poseidon's own storms;
just to find her and take her
to the World of Light.
They will seek each other
Under the Sea.

In their arms,
the seas will calm
light will dance
Their hearts will mend and
Forge one, unbreakable
True Love

i wrote this for my bestfriend: she deserves the best. I can never tell her how much she means to me. And i wish her the best :D

venice beach...inspired shots

2009-09-13T22:07:00.001-07:00

venice beach
Originally uploaded by squirttheladybug

Ok so i'm gonna make more of an effort to keep my blog updated... But i make no promises!

lets see......

I'm currently battling my laziness and trying to get my school stuff in order. Financial issues are back in full swing :(
but I know I'll pull through.
I really need to stay on task...I keep getting distracted, wait thats not really anything out of the ordinary (lol if you know me, its true). I just have alot on my mind lately, its been a very eventful year. I just hope it stays calmer now that I'll be exceptionaly busy :P

Menagerie

2009-09-06T21:52:00.000-07:00

Through glass I watch you dance
You glisten in the sun
Bright and fragile you are
I guard you beauty and brilliance
I can never feel you porcelain skin
Nor feel your silk hair
But my heart knew you
Before your eyes open to the sky
I loved you before you were created
But I will never have you
My doll of glass

9/4

2009-09-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

Pen on paper never fails

Words drip down

Ink slips silk

Pen on paper

Pictures captured

Moments set in water

Cascade over hearts

Torn in two.

Their faces laugh

Sadness explodes evenly

Pen on paper

Fingers dance divine

Words build beautiful

Death is brief

Pen on paper never fails

Capture beauty’s love

Words do build

sorry for not posting lately, just haven't felt like it lately . there are no words

Favorite line from House...so far :)

2009-06-04T20:45:00.000-07:00

Dr. House: They're out there, doctors, lawyers, postal workers, some of them doing great, some of them doing lousy. Are you going to base your whole life on who you're stuck in a room with?

Eve: I'm gonna base this moment on who I am stuck in a room with! It's what life is, it's a series of rooms, and who we get stuck in those rooms with, adds up to what our lives are.

I dont...

2009-05-28T00:26:00.000-07:00

I dont need this. I was doing better after the bad news I got last week. Then this person I trusted with my whole heart, took what little happiness I had left and showed me that I am really not worth it. Its sad that it happened, I managed to trust someone with everything...I mean I went to this person with pretty much everything and they repay me with the EXACT thing I hate.
They lied to me...
Of course we all lie. But there are lies and then there are lies...
The lies that we say without realization are forgivable...but the lies that we plan, that we are aware we are telling...those I find it hard to forgive.
How can you tell someone you love them and then look them in the face lie to them?
I dont know...
I couldnt...

i lost my brother

She Waits....

2009-05-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

Two lovers once lived, whose love was stronger than any before. They lived a life so sweet, one they hoped would never end. Until the day came when he had to leave. He promised he would return quickly and swiftly embrace her once again, he begged her to wait for him, he begged Her to keep him in her heart. She smiled and held him close, she whispered Her love would never end. She would wait on that hill for the day he would return. He kissed her goodbye and turned to the Sun. She watched from the hill, the one where they had first met and watched Her Lover disappear.

No one believed she would wait so patiently. But there she stayed on that Hill, the one that had brought their lonely hearts together. From the moment she awoke she sat there waiting ...waiting patiently. Many came to dissuade her from her love, they laughed and called her a fool; but she would smile and say "He will return, His heart is True." Her family brought others to woo her, convinced that these men would win her Heart and bring her home. She would smile and tell her tale to these men with open hearts, her words so sweet and love so true would send them away with the realization that they too had loves to find. Few true and loving came and sat with her, they helped her wait and kept her company. They knew her Heart was True and He would return...

Days past...Months past...And yet she waited. She waited patiently on that hill, and watched the Sun rise and set, knowing deep within that He would come. Children came to play at her feet, to make her smile, for they could see the sadness in her eyes. They knew her Heart was true, but it ached as she watched the Sun set on another day he had not returned...

Years past...and still she waited...She waited patiently. Those children, who played at her feet, grew and found their own lovers. They would return to her and recount their stories of love and passions, she would smile and tell them "If your love is True, It will remain for all eternity." Those children would see the sadness in her eyes, although she smiled. But they told her they would believe, they do believe, that He would return...

White crept into her hair and her vision grew dim, and still she waited on that Hill...Those that remembered her would visit, hopping to show her the life she had wasted on that hill for the One that would never return. Looking to the sky, She would smile. She listened to the cool breeze that brought his voice to her ears, feeling the warmth of his touch on her skin, seeing his loving eyes...and she would know he would return. They would ask her why she would wait so long, alone on that Hill.

"I wait patiently" she paused. "Just...Just as the Moon chases the Sun across the sky. The Moon knows she will reach her Lover once again. But she must follow him, until the day comes when they can share the sky together. Their light will burn so brightly, that the Earth will know, Their love will never end. That is why I wait. I have waited here on this Hill, because I know I will have My Sun...When we are together, no matter how brief our reunion is...It will Light our Sky FOREVER..."

These visitors would leave her to wait, in their hearts her words would always stay. They knew he would return.

Her back began to bend and her skin began to hang, she could not move as gracefully as before, but still she waited for his return.... Her heart grew weak and her breathe grew fast, many came to try to take her home, where she could rest. But she fought to stay on that Hill...She closed her eyes and heard soft footsteps from afar, a familiar voice carried by the wind danced in her heart...She sighed deeply and smiled once more...

For the One that shone so bright had returned to Her Night Sky.

Daggars

2009-05-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

what my eyes have seen
has torn my heart apart
...jagged
...bleeding
...seeping
my blood on the ground
i feel
i feel....
Broken.

Flightless Thoughts

2009-04-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

<---- i noticed i have a fixation on birds now... I like what they can signify and how they carry themselves. They are graceful and beautiful but still very delicate creatures....

I drew this because some times you have things that never leave your mind no matter what you do to get them out, things that can not stop bothering you...better yet there are things that torment you and they feel like flightless birds trapped inside of you. You might look calm and peaceful to the outside world but, deep within you, there is something no one else can see...

yep thats what my drawing means :D

Hearts to BLEED

2009-04-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

Bleeding hearts

Watch the sky melt
Freeze this fleeting moment
One feeling overwhelms my core.
Can not describe the surge, the current pulsing through
Breathe deep catch joy, caress it
Feel it swarm around you.
Bottle up the torment flowing through us.
Take it home to release it upon us once again
Freeze this moment
Melt into one.
Love.

Found!

2009-04-15T21:19:00.000-07:00

4/21/06
Now that I am free
Now that I am free
Free from you, I
No longer Hurt,
Pain is gone, abandoned by
Me.
Now I can see the Good I
So sorely missed
My heart no longer shatters
But it no longer skips
In fields of lavender.
No longer are the skies
Clouded opaque with rain.
Drops of Golden crystals
Fall upon me.
The air I breathe no longer chokes me, leaving me polluted
Mornings no longer bring me anger
I do not depend on you anymore,
My drug,
I am over you.

(07)
I’ve dipped these crystal claws
In yonder fountain’s venom.
I’ve glazed these emerald fangs
In rivers of visions.
I’ve rested this body
In immortality’s bed.
This heart of stone
Was melted, chipped apart and sprinkled
In the breeze.
I rest alone, and sleep with the Frost.
I, that hideous monster every man fears, I am Dread.
No one cares for me; I am but a lonely being in this small world.
I am powerful but weak of Heart.
They run from me all these tiny people
Destiny is never here, I am alone
Life is constant, Death is present
Which to chose, I’m not quite sure.
These claws and fangs are no use to me
I am a messenger and deliverer of Truths
Death’s father beckons me.

(early 08)
New lease
Now to continue life without the pain of the past. Cast it away and let it open our eyes. My hope flutters despite the rain. I write again with calm and love worry no longer of pain and heartache. Today is tomorrow and I live now, love of myself and God, not of any one “soul” that can hurt me once again

Hope is a sweet treat
Hope is a strawberry shake
Hope is candy melting in my mouth
Hope is all I have
And that’s just fine

Hearts racing
Palms sweating
Breath quickens
Sweet taste
Mouth watering
Flustered
No words to speak
Whisper only 3 words

This Page my canvas I can not fill with words.
Words of love, of admiration, of tranquility, of Trust.
None fit you, well enough, none can describe my love, my desire to be the one you call your own
To grow with you
To be your friend
To be your confidant
To share all that is mine
No. no words can ever fill this page.

11/08 March the way home
I find lost among one road I can’t find my way to you. Watch the March of Black Tar people. I still can’t find my way back to your arms. I watch my friends hit the end and die but I’m scared I will end with them. There is so many suffering too many dying…there’s no more love, I march. The way I can’t hope to say. I hurt it all my love ends here too.

Finding Nemo: Crush/Turtles on the EAC Scene

2009-01-31T17:13:00.001-08:00

1/9/09

2009-01-09T21:14:00.000-08:00

Confused. Dejected. Amused. Hurt tears. shakes uncontrolled. understood. Help. I don’t understand these feelings. Make it stop.
Happiness came back, walked past me. I don’t understand.
Wish once more friendship covered by fog > wade through, seek it again. I’m losing my mind?
I’m over reacting once again. Okay relax > breath > release >you’ll be fine!

I don’t understand why I’m letting everything get to me…maybe PMS? I can’t trust or feel joy. I doubt a lot and feel alone can’t tell anyone they’ll worry. What do I do?
I feel stupid…..:Slapself:

Newsssss Yearsssss

2009-01-04T19:37:00.000-08:00

I'm so tired! But so far the year ended great. I have some stuff that is trying to take my fun away but I'm not going to let it win!!!! AH
I'm looking to start off this year better than before...I mean I want to change alot of what I've been doing wrong lol
Life tends to get the best of me but thats going to change soon. I'm not going to let it go on and enslave me! ...
we all know that that isnt going to be effective lol (theres my pessimistic side popping up)

I all warm and fuzzy right now but I hope it lasts ;)
well ...nothing new to really add

oh yeah that job I was looking at...that might really happen so I can finally have money to save lol
we'll see :)

I CANT wait for Germany :)! I should have daily posts from over there but I cant make any promises. I feel the anxiety and the stress from planing the trip ...
plus we just got news that my dad is going to lose his job :( so I have to get really on the ball now I have to get a job and I have to get my license oi!!!

I have to get some papers done right now so TTYL :)

wow

2009-01-04T19:36:00.001-08:00

V for Vendetta in Kinetic Typography

2008-11-10T09:50:00.001-08:00

Favorite scene of V for Vendetta...Why? because of the spectacular alliteration DUH!!

The Beatles - Two Of Us

2008-10-27T09:45:00.001-07:00

one of my favorite songs, it reminds me of my life and how much i share with my best friend. we are so close, we go everywhere together. :)

OH MAN....

2008-10-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

STRESS man STRESS!!! so much hw to do and no time to do it in...plus all my other responsibilities are taking my time. Thats not bad, atleast I'm not wondering the streets or starting fires....But I would like some stress free time for me...

sad ness

Marlon Brando Madness

2008-09-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

MARLON!!!

Tribute to Paul Newman 1/26/1925 - 9/26/2008

2008-09-30T11:51:00.001-07:00

great actor!

Coffee Coffee Coffee

2008-09-14T21:27:00.001-07:00

OMG its me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOo HOo

2008-09-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

:D I love my English class! The story's we read are really interesting and are rather thought provoking. We've read "A Rose for Emily", "To Build a Fire" and "Good Country People." I like each of them for different reasons: necrophilia, nature beating out man and then the fight between faith and intellect.

Side notes in life:
I'm taking the day off today...I need to recharge my batteries, I'm so very tired and very out of it. I also have class tomorrow all day........ I dont like it. =P oh well
oh new love I'm happy with that!!!

Education

2008-09-03T14:42:00.000-07:00

Im glad school has started once again but to be completly honest, I wish it hadn't. I'm tired of being educated with things that don't interest me. And things that I do not agree with at all. But these are the things, we must suffer for some type of job...Even one that will only pay minimum wage...

These are the things I have to learn this semester....English, Biology, Geography and Anthropology. Nessecary things to further my education.

I see why all these classes are added on for us to study, after all we want to have some type of understanding of the world around us. Without some education, the world around us would remain small and we would be limited in our understanding of the major problems that exist. We would not see the bigger picture nor the issues that plague mankind. But there is a possiblitly of spending too much time on education and not paying attention to the more important things. Spending too much time in school can detach us from what happens on the homefront and the things we need to be foucsing on.

Stephen King's N

2008-08-25T12:32:00.001-07:00

the confusion...purchasing the fame

2008-08-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

New fav band!!!
TOKIO HOTEL
why? besides from the fact that the singer is obscure (my code word for awesomely strange) but i gotta say i like Georg ...hes pretty.

lol
okay here's my reason for todays post: department stores killing music. How? some stores use popular songs :coughthebeatleshellogoodbye: in their commercials. Thats not my problem (after all the song fits pretty well. But my problems begins:
I went out with friends and this little girl began to sing Hello Good-bye...when I asked her what she was singing, she smiled and said "oh its the T**** song." I felt like a stake was driven into my little heart...THE T***** SONG????? AHHHHHHHHH
I'm disappointed in how great songs are reduced to "target song" or other department store songs. I propose they label the song in the commercial so kids grow up right. And of course that the credit be given to the singers...they do deserve some credit right? After all had the song not be made famous by them then the debarment store would not have the success they have (well the success that comes from the commercials.

Hallo, Wie geht es ihnen?

2008-08-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

Im a learnin German!!! woot!
and Japanese:) cuz I'm planning to go to Germany next year so need to learn the language...

BTW I'm transferring to CSUN soon :D excited to be moving on from a C.C. I still haven't learned to drive!! sad right??? I just have no one to take me out to drive... my folks are really busy and all i have is sporadic training exercises. I need to learn before December!!! Im running out of time!!

Danke!

Vacation

2008-07-22T17:28:00.001-07:00

so far its cool. Spending time with family has been great, a little camping does some real good. Being away from the stress and drama helps you detox and get to whats the more important things.

Saw THE DARK KNIGHT
AND i have to say that Heath Ledger is the best actor to be the Joker. He portrayed him the the sadistic manner the Joker was intended to be. I argue that he was as demented as needed to portrayed. He needs to get an award for his performance. Overall it was a good movie, Batman's character needs to be developed...he was overshadowed by the Joker. But they needed to be on a equal playing field. But i still loved it.

My little heart is worried

2008-07-02T14:01:00.000-07:00

I've had a weird week! I feel different now...I dont feel like I should. I should be happy and excited but I'm worried about things I shouldn't worry about...I feel either too hungry or not at all. My headaches are back in full force. I just think its because I keep taking other peoples problems and getting involved an making them my own. You would think I'd learn by now and stop doing that bad but ...NO. I miss some thing in my life and I cant put my finger on it yet. I'm gonna find it. Then i'll get better

Its the end of the world....by REM

2008-06-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

i love this song for some reason :D

Adult Dreams

2008-06-16T13:46:00.000-07:00

There comes a point in your life that you have to grow up. I mean we all know that but its really hard to just say "I'm an adult." I always used to ask myself "when am I an adult?" I asked my mom about it, she said that you will just know. I figured it out now. It all happens when you have adult dreams. I remember when I was younger, I had dreams about getting toys or playing outside with friends...but then as you get older your dreams focus on school and taking test or dealing with teachers...but then you hit an age where you start dreaming about bills, taxes and employment. And thats when you know you're an adult. Even in your dreams you start to think as an adult not as a child, you use rationality instead of emotion. I haven't decided for myself if its a good thing but it is rather frightening that I have had adult dreams. I must say goodbye to those carefree days...

ahhhhhhhh Lamesauce!!!

2008-06-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

Geez man life needs to chillax and lay off...Stuff gets complicated at the most unlikely and uncool moments. I don't want to be all overwhelmed with useless emotions !!!! oh well man i should sleep this off now

>.<

Catwoman is pretty smart.....

2008-06-06T13:45:00.000-07:00

"Show a man what he expects to see, and he won't look beneath the surface."

"You have to remember that man are a lot like cats. When one of them offers you a dead rodent, it's the most valuable gift he can think of."

"I'm warning you...don't back me into a corner!"

"I'm staying single, baby."
"Don't worry. It's nothing that a few months of physical therapy can't straighten out."

"A woman who knows her own mind is a powerful force."

"And me. Just a hard-working girl trying to make it in a man's world."
"Maybe he's that rare animal...the one real man every woman meet once in her lifetime."
"I hate surprises. But I love adrenaline rushes. Go figure."

"...so the more you threaten me, the stronger I get."

http://www.mindeclipse.com/heroines/catquote.htm

I'm back! But as of next week I'm back in class....LAME!!! But I am close to transferring to a college!!Life hasn't been so great in the past couple of weeks. Had one of those "oh wow, this "US" thing isn't going to work, best if i move on....you really didn't need to make me cry". I was really hoping it would work out but its cool....you need to move on to better things. OH found out that I might have and anxiety problem (way to go doc, only took all my life to get diagnosed) and that I might need to get "counseling" or take medication...I rather not take the medication....ew. I hope that thats all thats wrong with me....I really hope that its not that thing my mom has because that would mean lifetime of medication. Yep........my life is boring right now. But the lives around me aren't! lol. I'm worried about a friend of mine...but thats something I shall not discuss.

<3>

Ramble ramble away

2008-05-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

These were some of my random writings in highschool...it wasnt a great time for me as you can tell....

Unnecessary tears
What’s the point of crying? Will it really solve your problems? Will it draw them close? It could make you feel better, for a while. Never forever. Cry for days, weeks, maybe months never years, decades, centuries. Pain never leaves. It waits behind the bush, around the corner under the bed, on the next exit. Its there. It stalks us. It haunts us. Run if you like; deny its presence but its disguised! Disguised so well. You can’t find it, it finds you. Beware, dear, the one you love could be pain wrapped in love. Just wait and see. Pain doesn’t like to be confined…

im broken inside. Can you find the pieces? Can you put me together again?
im ripped apart. Will you tape me together again? Will you mend my wounds?
there is chaos enclosed. What will you do? What can you fix?
there is devastation inside. How will you heal it? How will you clean it up ?
inside im broken. Lend a hand. Fix it up. Heal my wounds please will you can you help me?
Someone please…save me from myself

I’m not here to be liked. Not here to make friends or foes. I won’t stay long enough to. I have no care, if you like me or not, loathe me for all I care. No matter. I me mine, that’s all it is. All I need is sun on my face, air to breathe, until I need no more. To be loved, to love, I never need, but might like to have. But no matter. I’m not here to please you or them. Just me and him. I work for him and serve him. When time comes, I will go, leave you here all alone. I’m not here to please. Run away little man, up a street, down an alleyway. Go way you empty shells of people. To relive, to vent anger, to live in fear, just to do, live and breathe. Stand in the rain, let it fall, wither the field around me leave me vulnerable and thin, nothing but bone and marrow. Many drops of sugar sweet on bread to eat, to fill me to live. Me, just a cause an ,oh so simple cause. Love is never blind, it judges and devotes itself. How unknown you are, just take the wall down, wretch by wretch. Surrounded, we are by fake and flaws, by unconcerned and insecure, to overcompensate, to live untrue, they are. I will not join their mass suicide. All a mass of meaningless people spread hallow words. You deceive and relieve. Just to hurt to destroy. Unhappy are these around me, a difference it won’t make. Twitch and spasm are your movements. Like you, I will not become, to be your dido, your COPYCAT, I stand against. I’m not here to please or release some form of care. Liberate me or look down upon me. Makes no difference, I am me and me alone. To please myself, I live for. To love the world without those who kill it, I wish for. If you want to please me, don’t be me don’t conform to imitate, walk away and live free. Be those not to be liked or make fake friends. But do what you do. Then again who am I to say what you should do or say No reason why to listen to me an insignificant Flea.

Poems part 1

2008-05-28T09:36:00.000-07:00

Happiness is disease
One I would like to catch
And pass on to you.
Your smile washes
My worries away.
Your laugh fills
Me with Hope.
Your eyes melt
Me down.
Your touch
Soothes me and
Your kiss leaves
Me breathless
All this if Happiness
Has infected you.
But you lay empty,
Barren of all Joy
As do I.

You sit Alone
Drenched in Blood
Caged in Pain
Drunk with Rage
Masked by Courage
Blinded by Passion
Paralyzed by Doubt
Lead by Ignorance
Filled with Fear
Followed by Pain
You are my Soldier of Mercy
Deliverer of Love
Murder of Sweet
Joy.

(3/10/06)
Can you imagine?
You and me
Flying high above the trees
Swooping and soaring
Unaware of the world below
Together you and I will
Remain lovers intertwined
Universal love it is
Just fly away with me

(3/11/06)
Your love an ocean
One I find myself stranded in
All alone on my small boat
The tide pushing me close to shore
But slowly I glide away
In my hands an ore
To guide me, only the Stars and Moon
Such a peaceful place this clear blue sea
I find myself in
I think I will stay, as the waves rise and fall
The tide pulling me in closer to you
Only me in my red boat
One ore, the celestial bodies above
Your love an ocean

I've placed my weary head into your hands
And cried tears of Silver
Tears weighed with the Passion and Pain of my life
Have these things yet to stir your heart?
I plead with you using words dipped in honey
Kisses I give you each carry a piece of me
The blood I’ve shed for you, stirred in tears
Has it all reached your heart?
I hold you with my heart, and lifted you with love!
Punished my self, I have, wont you see, I am in pain
I need you by my side
Have my mournful cries warmed your heart?
Pain I have caused you. But please forgive me
Watch me fall apart
Tell me how to win you back.
Have these things even moved you?
Alone I once was, with you life was complete
Don’t let me disappear again.

look up other poems...

Poems Part 2

2008-05-04T18:13:00.000-07:00

(8/ 25/06)
My feathered fiend
Spread you faithful wings
Take me up the heavy clouds.
Clouds close to the raging rivers.
Top of the hidden peak, fly me.
Carry me over stars, away from this stage
Far from my fears take me to the courage I lake
Float away from here.

“Tartaus? You say”
Never-ending suffering
Chained to this
My end, it is
Doomed, Damned and Cursed
Forever lost and uncontrolled
To burn, to starve, to roll
My curse is far worse
Every second, every minute
I am reminded you will never be mine
Do not worry, it will be okay
One day this wretched ball and chain
Will rust and whiter away
Oh, but the scars!
Yes …they will stay.
Reminding me of my stay
In Tartaus
My place of fear and destruction.

“What you do to me” (2/27/06)
Oh, how I hate you
I loathe the simple sight of you
There is nothing good I feel
When your face is near
That is what I cannot bear.
I never wish you Dead
But I hope you suffer well
You anger me
Cause my Blood to boil,
Ripple over and cascade upon the floor.
Oh I how I hate you
Despise you.
I wish I’d fall into millions of pieces
Just so, I would never see you again!
Your voice, millions of pin pricks
On the whites of my eyes.
Would you just leave?
Let me in peace!
Your touch…how my skin burns under it
My stomach turns into itself
When your hand falls upon me
Just go! Your eyes must not fall upon me!
How I wish I were Blind, Deaf and Dead
Just to escape your Evil Gaze,

“Forevermore”
I want to rip your pedestal
Where everything is handed to you
Throw you on the ground
And kick you around
Pierce your corrupt self, shredding flesh
I see, your demise, I sense the end.
Once ago I wished your presence
How every muscle tense
When you are near.
Drive its metal edge in your beating, pulsating hole
Killing what you call soul
Rippling, Bubbling, Boiling
What runs under my skin,
Threatens to break free.
But I lack, what you have, the key
To control the uncontrollable.
I fear my loss but
Welcome yours.
All my blistering sores
By your hands.
I wish to rip you off your pedestal
Rip you apart, Murder you and leave you
FOREVERMORE.

“Weed”
I am the weed among flowers.
I stand out oddly against the crowd.
Taking what is not meant to be mine.
I am an outsider among my peers.
They look at me with scorn.
The fear they feel and utter hatred I feel as I sway in the wind.
Out of place and alone.
I am the lonely weed place so strangely in this world.
My only hope, my only wish and desire, to be pulled,
Be free to see your face and be liberated.

“To my child”(3/11/06)
Take my hand and come
Away with me little child
Put your trust in me and
Follow me little child
The cold will end if you
Come little one
Don’t look back at that
Eyes forward little child
One day you will understand
One day you will forgive little child
Today you hate me and wish me dead
But please little child
Look at me, see me for what
I am little child
I am little child
The one who loves you
Who would give her life for you
Just live through this
Little child
Don’t recede, don’t give in
For I love you little one
Just escape with me.
Little child.

“When I am with You”
Save me from the wrath my hands inflict upon my flesh
Take this cutting tool and melt it down
Un-cloud my vision let me see again.
The blood runs warm against my cold skin
Slurred are my words, hot is my voice.
Rives run from black eyes
I watch my life escape help me pick myself up again.
Don’t let me run down the drain
Your words fall like autumn leaves on barren land
Dark shadows pass me
Take your hand and lift me up.
Don’t let me go, never to fall again.
Be my savior
There is no more blood, no more pain
When I am with you.

“When the Shadows Run”(8/24/06)
The Shroud of Darkness has fallen.
Life stills for a moment,
Up above twinkling lights
Smile upon the grounds
Small voices bubble up from fields
Singing nightly praises.
Quite eyes watch silent skies
Hearts beat unbroken rhymes
No light blinds their eyes as they play.
The shadows run free
As small feathered fiends swoop low counting their breaths.
Scurrying along the grounds many legs, to homes unknown.
Laughter carried by the breeze spreads far along the land
Tiny lights lose their grip of the skies.
Voices quite slowly,
Life still once more.
The shadows retreat to a slumber, until once more let free.
The shroud removed
A burning star emerges

Vague

2008-04-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

feeling vague want to rant wish to fly, fly to the moon hit up a star for cash, kiss the sky find a fish hug a cloud .love. cant think just want to release my thoughts the best way is to just a type the first thing that comes to mind. coffee caffine hyper spas chicken monarch butterflys, butter and bread toast to heath and fear want a pie fly a kite corazon y voz im here watchin waiting to be swept away and saved. but im still lost waiting for....i dont know yet....

Whatever

2008-04-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

Okay so I had a discussion with a friend of mine about my attitude and habits. For example I have a habit of burping out loud, and announcing when I'm hungry. I don't think theres anything wrong with that, after all our bodies happen to make certain noises. I see no point in hiding this obvious fact. Now I understand that it can be gross and I always apologize after I belch, but I'm not going to be ashamed of it, geez its natural. The thing that bugged me the most is just the randomness of my friends problem with my hunger. I mean so what if I'm hungry all the time. But there are stuff about my friend I don't like so I guess we're pretty much even. =D hehehe and We all have our own likes and dislikes. I have to embrace them, theres no point in fighting over silly things right?

well so far all is well. I feel kinda bummed that I havent been writing any more poetry ...its been months since I actually sat down to right down the randomness thats in my poor little head. I think i'll just put up some old poems that way I can possibly start some new stuff.

<3

AHH MIDTERMS

2008-04-05T13:37:00.001-07:00

i'm takin a short break...from my midterm paper...TOTALY bummed out. I need to turn it in on sunday! and I'm suffering from writers block, I"ve been working on it since 10 this morning, I've done alot but i still feel its missing something..... I better get back to it. =(

This is TESORO my puppy...i SHall post more pics of her and my other children. =D

gettin' along

2008-04-01T14:28:00.000-07:00

Good news my puppies all get along =D they just run around the house and backyard together. Now need to take them to get their shots. I'm glad that they like each other. Now I'm busy with Midterms and my service time. I got all my time in last month (yippy) and now i slept till 10...I've been so tired lately that now I just wanted to sleep the day away, But I cant...
Good news.
Good news.

not so good news
I have been counseled to be "hard to get" to be a "woman". I have to say I'm confused by that advice. I mean I know I'm a woman. But I think they want me to be the traditional, quite woman that sits back and waits for the man to make the moves....blahblah. Yeah that isn't me. I don't care much for sitting back and waiting for the guy to ask me to dance or talk. I'm not supposed to make the first move. I'm not supposed to say anything, hide my emotions. I've gotten into trouble for announcing my feelings. But the way I see it...is some times guys are blind to the world around them, or they are confused about girls. You know females are confusing (its safe to admit it). I rather be honest with the person I like than hold it back and suffocate with how I feel.
I've been told that when...if... I get married that I have to do the house work..(be the little house wife...like back in the 1800s)=P
bad news....Thats not me. I don't follow the ideals of the little housewife. I want, I mean I expect my husband to help me out. I don't serve him and he won't serve me.

randome post

2008-03-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

life confusing. either your in or your out. but homework is done and sleep is near!!

Cars

2008-03-30T22:40:00.001-07:00

A puppy for jou

2008-02-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

AHHH online classes..... Now why did I make such a stupid decision to take online classes and both that require super long readings all do in less than a week...oh and did I mention that I dont have one of my textbooks and that I have my first major assignment due next week TT______TT this is torture... SO on the personal side my dog died on the first of Feb.... I'm still bummed I raised her and saw her when she was born! Cant get closer than that.... My mom got my brother and I a new puppy and shes ridiculously cute. She slept with me this morning then she decided to wake me up by bitting my face! <3>
My other dog hates her, everytime the puppy tries to get close to her she runs away or turns her back to the puppy. I hope that she accepts the puppy soon, I really want them to get along. I'm really worried that my other puppy (my uncle decided to get me another puppy) that will be here in about 4 weeks wont get along with my older dog......:sigh: new family memmbers are hard to adapt to .....

Oh Alice

2007-12-29T15:38:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad this year is almost over! Once this year ends I feel that I can really start over. Its a wonderful idea of just letting of all the things that have happened and moving on. Now I want this new year to be one where I don't disappoint myself or the people I really care about.
One thing I'm not looking forward to is - SCHOOL!!! I only had one week vacation, and that was not enough to unwind. Then after that I have spring semester and I'm taking classes that are going to leave me waisted... (ART,HEALTH,BOWLING,CHICANO STUDIES,PHILOSOPHY). But I am going to stay on the ball! and do all my work and study hard. Next step: Driving...
I feel so behind... I turned 18 and still dont have my license.... very disappointed

Love

2007-12-10T22:08:00.000-08:00

I love this song for many reasons...Today its the fact that its the only thing that lets me sleep...
I find it so hard to sleep even if I'm extremely tired. And I have no appetite, which in turn left my stomach empty for days...And when I do decide to eat I feel nauseated. But I think its because its winter and I'm never around good food. =D

Shame, guilt and anger

2007-12-04T11:04:00.000-08:00

"Whoever says
Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"- Bronwyn Polson

"When I needed you
most when I needed a friend, you let me down now like I let you down then"
-Blink 182

"Friendship is
delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be
cracks"
"In good times, in bad times I'll
be on your side forever more, that's what friends are
for."

Its one of those days you know? That day you wake up and look around and ask yourself "Why did I paint my room this color? Its just too happy..." then you sight and roll over, unwilling to fight the morning and the day to come.

Just read my email...and realized what I bad friend I am. I looked at my self in the mirror and saw what I was and cried. Now Im not the person that gives up on herself and decides that the world never cares so I never should. But I realized these things:

I am

Inconsiderate

anti-social

remarkably unaware

immature

devastatingly vain

I remember how I said that I would never become the friend you go to and they dont listen or they chose to ignore what you just said and move on to them. Sadly, I have allowed recent events in my life to turn me into such a cruel monster. Now that I have been shown the error of my ways (thank you friend) then I can better myself. But that doesnt change the fact that I let others down and betrayed them by not showing them the same consideration they have shown me. I am who I am and that doesnt change but I do see where I have changed....and where I MUST change.

Secrets of Short people: CROWDS

2007-11-30T12:53:00.000-08:00

Secrets of Short people: CROWDS

When your short its always hard to deal with large crowds. I learned to deal with crowds rather quickly. Elementary school was rather easy, everyone is basically the same height but for middle school, it’s different. Everyone seemed to hit puberty rather quickly everyone except for me. I had to learn how to deal with being short.

Some things I learned on my own, other things I learned from other short kids.

1) How to get to the front.

a. Trail: I learned that the best way to move up in a crowd is to find someone walking ahead of you and trail them. I usually find a large guy who moves people out of the way on his own. I stick close behind and stay in the opening he provides me. But if there isn’t a guy you can trail, find a groups of people that are going together and stick to them.

b.Opening: The trail method wont take you that far, but it will it will get you close to the front. The second part is finding opening in the crowds. People tend to avoid close contact with people they don’t know, so gaps in crowds tend to appear. Take advantage of them now matter how small. Use your shoulder to move forward, most people seem to move over enough for you to slide on by. Look for a group that left enough space in front of them for you (and your friends) to stand. But don’t stay to long or make it hard for the people to see, they will move you back. If you don’t block them they will most likely let you stay.

c. Outskirts. Some times there are few openings that you might not be able to take advantage of. So stick to the outside, it’s more fun that way anyways. Plus it’s easier to keep more friends following you. Run around the outskirts and run ahead of the crowd, then just dart into the front. This move only works if the crowd is moving forward, once the people are standing still it’s too hard to get to the front.

the current state of affairs

2007-08-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

I find it truly disappointing that in the world we live in, people are entertained with violence and death. Now I'm not saying that people are all cruel hearted (even though there is evidence to say so), but haven't you found yourself watching a movie and cheering when the "bad guy" dies, or gets beaten up?
How far has this society gone down? Look at the movies that make money... think hard...many of these movies have violence in every scene. People get shot, stabbed, maimed, or beheaded to entertain the masses. I know little kids that even react these scenes with vigor.
I dont know, but shouldnt we be motivating the masses towards peace not war?
Now you may say that "its only a movie" "its only mindless entertainment"... Is it just mindless entertainment? or is it a sad glimpse at what our future is heading to or what we are already at?

I believe that we are living in a world full of ignorant people that chose to over look these things and carry about their every day lives without caring about their fellow man. Now I am not saying that they only seek self-gratification... well okay I am. But all they see is what affects them. Its about "ME" not "you".

When you see the news...do you watch it for sports, weather or celebrity news rather than the current events in your neighborhood?
It was truely frustratiing and disturbing how much time is spent on the lives of the rich and famous! i.e Paris Hilton's arrest... I would turn on the news and about half of the report was about her ...where she was, how she was, how long she was going to be behind bars, the emotional scars she would suffer.

Must our socitey really only care about itself rather than the world around them? I dont understand why people want to go out and see other HUMANBEINGS get killed or hurt just for laughs... I dont know ... I think its disturbing.

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